We've all had those "what a months!". Times when things were so far out of our control that we understood how little control we have over life. We don't like to reflect on that usually as we go about our days thinking, "I've got this". And, to the best of what we know, we do. At least we believe we do. But then there are those months that tug on our understanding of life. Such was this past four week period, a month in time, if not a particular month.
My daughter was in her 33rd week of pregnancy and had just decided to stop working. She had not been feeling well for some time and her carriage was such that she was in the final week of pregnancy. She developed gestational hypertension, her feet and hands were swollen, she lumbered. On one trip to the doctor for normal monitoring of herself and the baby, she also decided to make another appointment to check out her swelling. (So confusing why she needed to go to an internist for this, but that's the system). The internist, in consultation with an obstetrician decided she needed to go to Triage. Thus began the week, began the month that was. While she was sent home that day to monitor her blood pressure and urine, she was back in the hospital in a couple of days for an 8 day stay they ended in an emergency c-section when they could not get her blood pressure under control.
Piper Terese was born on November 2 and spent the next six days in the NICU. Before Piper went home my daughter was sent home and then back into the hospital because of her blood pressure. Both she and Piper finally went home together just a week ago. Since then it's been my joy to dispense TLC and Mom and Grandma hugs. My mother used to say "a bad beginning is a good ending". My mother had lots of sayings, but this one applies here.
I've been pondering the why of these happenings to my daughter. I know she will take a while to process all that has gone on. In that processing I'm guessing she may turn the events on herself in some way, as if she could have done something differently. She could not. Lesser women would have caved at all of the challenges she's been through in these later stages of her pregnancy and mostly in the past month of her hospitalization, major surgery, coming home to care for her newborn daughter. She amazes me with her strength and resolve. She is an incredible woman and an awesome mother. Piper is so lucky to be her daughter. I am so fortunate to be her Mother.
I had five pregnancies, four live births and a miscarriage. I tripped through them without a hitch other than some queasiness and tiredness. I rue my daughter's experience in so far as she did not have the great good joyful time of the normalcy of pregnancy. I am grateful that I did not experience the challenges she faced, and overcame.
I realized the seriousness of what she was going through more than she did (thankfully). Thank heavens for the competent doctors who knew what to do in the emergency situation. Because of them, and my daughter's resolve, I did not lose my most precious daughter. She has been my joy and I know that Piper will be hers.
Thanksgiving is next week and I am so thankful for many things, not the least of which is my understanding of how fiercely I love and how little I can control in life. Being reminded of this over the past short time period and living in the moment to moment has been both stressful and stress free. As I process and navigate what was, I live in what is. My hope, my daughter, my granddaughter, life. I've got this!
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